On Growing Old

 

It was just an ordinary run to the dump — some old boards, bags of garbage, and a bit of Spring cleaning. I tossed away a broken laundry basket full of old worn out shoes that once belonged to my children. But it stopped me in my tracks. As I studied those shoes, I remembered taking my eight kids to the store, buying them boots or runners, the smiles on their faces with a new pair of footwear. They played football on the front lawn, ran through the mud, climbed snowbanks or milked a cow in those shoes.

But now all but one of those kids have left home. The shoes that carried my loved ones no longer have purpose. So there I stood at the landfill, tears in my eyes as raw memories raced through my mind. I took a deep breath and sighed, “I’m growin’ old.”

 

Growing Old

Nothing has really prepared me for growing old (the bloom is coming off the flower, you could say), which is strange because it seems that growing old should just be natural. And yet, the older I get, the more unnatural it feels. God never made man to die — we introduced that “dynamic” in the original fall of Adam and Eve — death was never in God’s plan. I can’t help but feel this every time I look in the mirror at wrinkling skin and whitening hair. It took me an hour just to find my reading glasses today. 

It’s crazy how we start off life completely dependent upon others, unable to move, wearing diapers… and often end up much the same way, completely dependent in our last years. When I see photos of people in their youth compared to their old age, it’s like they are two different people, almost unrecognizable — no different than a little sapling is from the towering oak. Aging is often one of the most brutal forces in nature. 

My mother used to say, “I don’t want to grow old.” And she didn’t. She passed away when I was 35 years old. I never asked mom why she said that, but I suspect it’s because she saw so much suffering in the aged in both her family and her visits to the elderly in care homes. She was also a woman of great faith: she always had one eye towards the Kingdom of Heaven.

I admit that I have thought the same thing as mom. Yes, I find it very hard to grow old. We can no longer bear children as a couple. My kids really don’t “need” me anymore. The overdrive years of making albums, writing, touring, etc. have faded like the echo of a song in the distance. We are passing the torch to the next generations. The sense (or temptation) of feeling increasingly irrelevant haunts me like a shadow.

The Mass readings several weeks ago blew through my soul like a cool autumn wind:

I have seen all things that are done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a chase after wind… when I turned to all the works that my hands had wrought, and to the fruit of the toil for which I had toiled so much, see! all was vanity and a chase after wind. (Eccl 1:14, 2:11)

 

Aging: The Great Purifier

In truth, despite the suffering that aging brings, it is also a gift. In just over twelve years, I’ll be 70 years old. Seventy! The realization of this causes me to think deeply about what I am doing with the remaining years of my life. I’m not on the runway yet, but I’m certainly on the taxiway. 

The vanity of our youth is eventually steamrolled by sagging skin, thinning hair, and shrinking muscles. I was very athletic for decades, but find my body losing agility and strength. It happens fast.

I used to connect so well with children in my ministry… and now they see me as that “old man.” It’s kind of funny because I, too, used to think that people in their 50’s were ancient. Again, another blow to the ego. 

St. Jerome used to keep a skull on his desk as a symbol of his mortality and a reminder of death. The practice of keeping a skull, known as “memento mori,” was a common practice of many religious in order to contemplate their own death and the brevity of life. But frankly, aging has the same effect. 

Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom. (Psalms 90:12)

 

Irrelevant?

The sense of irrelevance many elderly feel is a feature and pressure most particular to Western culture. If you travel to other parts of the world, elders are respected, prioritized, and even sought after for their wisdom. 

Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days…. days should speak, and many years teach wisdom! (Job 12:12, 32:7)

But in the West, the aged are not only disrespected but considered “useless eaters.” Euthanasia is spreading from nation to nation. It’s the fifth leading cause of death in Canada^[1]lifenews.com where it is rapidly becoming a form of eugenics.^[2]slaynews.com

Our media daily posts photos of celebrities who are guilty of the crime of simply growing older — and are shamed for not looking like their photo-shopped posters. And thus, the temptation to face-lifts, botox, and hair dye has become irresistible, not only to the rich and famous, but increasingly to a culture that has lost sight of the dignity of life, especially in old age.

The elderly may not necessarily be able to contribute much to the economy or even culture anymore, but we have to remember: we would not be here without them. They deserve to be loved, honored, and cared for. We need to hear their stories, learn their lessons, reflect on their wisdom. 

The hope, of course, is that we who are growing old are also becoming examples in virtue.

Older men should be temperate, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, love, and endurance. Similarly, older women should be reverent in their behavior, not slanderers, not addicted to drink, teaching what is good… (Titus 2:2-3)

It is through a daily prayer life and reflection on the Word of God that we will gain true wisdom to share with our grandchildren and the younger generations who are indeed called to honor the elderly: 

Do not rebuke an older man but exhort him as you would a father… older women like mothers… (1 Timothy 5:1-2)

My son, be steadfast in honoring your father; do not grieve him as long as he lives. Even if his mind fails, be considerate of him; do not revile him because you are in your prime. (Sirach 3:12-13)

But hopefully we give them something to honor more than simply our age.

And by no means does growing old mean there is nothing to give, despite what the world says. For some people, these can be incredibly productive years. Colonel Sanders was 62 years old when he franchised his Kentucky Fried Chicken recipe; at age 82, Wally Funk — a pilot and flight instructor — became the oldest woman to ever go into space; Harry Bernstein started writing his first novel when he was 93 years old; and Laura Ingalls Wilder began writing the Little House series at 65 years old, which went on to become a famous television series. Heck, at 63, Tom Cruise is still doing his own film stunts. 

 

The Reckoning

Make no mistake: God is not mocked, for a person will reap only what he sows… (Galatians 6:7)

The final and often most painful aspect of aging is reaping our personal harvest. As our children become adults, our own lack of conversion, immaturity, and woundedness often comes home to roost. This is often the cause of a lot of sadness and regrets as we see the hurts we’ve caused or relationships we strained. Hopefully, we also see the good choices and fruit of a godly home we tried to provide now being borne in our kid’s lives. Still, our children have their own free will… we are all fallen; we all need a Savior. 

There is also a reckoning in our bodies of the choices we made in our youth and later years. Exercise, healthy eating, good rest… or gluttony, excessive alcohol, tobacco, and other poor habits can begin to be harvested in later years through chronic disease, inflammation, bad gut health, and other issues. Thankfully, we can often reverse these consequences to some degree or even eliminate them — but it requires (a late) conversion, a change in our way of thinking to grow in conformity with God’s laws that are built into nature itself. 

Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

If you are reaping a rather painful harvest, however, don’t let this be a cause for despair (though it may be a cause for humility; we aren’t the superheroes we thought we were in our twenties!). All of these “consequences” can be used for our good and that of others. While we should never deliberately harm our bodies, which are a temple of the Holy Spirit,^[3]1 Cor 6:19 the suffering we endure in our older years can be a reparation for our sins and those of others by uniting (offering) them to Jesus. Offering one’s sufferings means willingly accepting them in a spirit of love and surrender (as opposed to bitter resignation). It’s as we Catholics say, “Doin’ our Purgatory on earth.”

When God permitted death in the world, He likewise sent His Son to, as it were, turn death on its head. In Christ, the blows of aging — if we embrace them as God’s permissive will — act to purify and sanctify us, to make us ready for when we are finally called to that runaway for the final takeoff. 

 

The Basket

It’s just a basket of shoes. Anyone else who came to the dump that day would barely have noticed them. But those shoes represented years of living, of life, of happiness, joys, sorrows….

Some of my favorite memories are simply sitting around the table with my eight children at dinner time. I was so proud looking at those little faces, my quiver full, my beautiful bride surrounded by her little ones. Now, I sit here writing at the very same table as in that photo, staring at empty chairs filled only with memories. 

Almost. I have eleven grandchildren and certainly more on the way. Grandkids, in some ways, are a small reset button. We get to be to them what we know we failed to be with our own children. It’s another chance to imprint on a tiny soul the love of the Father, refracted through His image in man and woman (ie. grandfather and grandmother). 

In closing, this may seem like a sad reflection. Yes, in some ways it is because, as I say, dying was not part of the original plan of the Creator. But now, dying “in Christ” is. We can resist aging… or we can allow it to shape and conform us to Christ’s own death precisely in order that we may know His Resurrection. 

For his sake I have accepted the loss of all things [of my youth!] and I consider them so much rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having any righteousness of my own based on the law but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God, depending on faith to know him and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by being conformed to his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:8-11)

This isn’t easy for me to write at all. It’s darn challenging because this journey is hard. It’s really hard, at least for some of us. If you’re one of those souls, I hope you find comfort in God’s Word to you today, especially when you feel irrelevant or forgotten:

Even to your old age I am He, even when your hair is grey, I will carry you; I have done this, and I will lift you up, I will carry you to safety. (Isaiah 46:4)

Blessed is the man who endures trial,
for when he has stood the test
he will receive the crown of life
which God has promised
to those who love him.
(James 1:12)

 

So grateful for your prayers and support.
Thank you!

 

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