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St. Paul tells us that hope is the fruit of a character that is tried through the furnace of suffering (see Hope in Hopelessness):
…affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope… (Romans 5:3-4)
Therefore, he said, “I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). In other words, it is not enough to simply “endure” our trials, for one can also put up with them, so to speak, in a state of bitter resignation, anger, and resentment, thus producing not hope but despair and other ill fruits.
Rather, St. Paul speaks of a contentment in affliction.
In every circumstance and in all things, I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I have the strength for everything through Him who empowers me. (Philippians 4:12-13)
In other words, St. Paul learned the secret of holy abandonment. But how do you and I get to that place?
Of Holy Abandonment
Books have been written on this subject by numerous Saints — treatises on the will of God, detachment, the stages of purification, etc..[1]One of my favorites is Holy Abandonment by Vital Lehodey, an old book passed on to me years ago by a holy deacon. It contains a summary of the Saints on this subject and a host of gems and solid wisdom. Their wisdom is a precious treasury, to be certain… but it’s not always possible to read large volumes or absorb the spiritual science they set forth. In fact, St. Thérèse de Lisieux wrote, “As for me, I no longer find anything in books, with the exception of the Gospel. The Gospel is enough.”[2]cf. ewtn.co.uk
Is the Gospel enough?
The short answer is yes. However, it’s our woundedness and fallen nature that often demand the necessary aids of spiritual direction, counseling, advice, books, blogs, and other sources of saintly wisdom. Before the Fall, Adam walked with breathless ease in the Divine Will. Everything was light, everything was joy and fulfillment. But after the Fall of original sin, darkness fell upon human nature and everything became striving, laborious, and a battle against one’s own will.
Still, Our Lord said: “Unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). Jesus isn’t suggesting that we limit our intelligence to what only a child can understand. Rather, He is speaking of disposition — the state in which our hearts need to remain: littleness, humility, dependence, and surrender to the Father in absolutely every circumstance.
There is no better example than that of Jesus. Even though He was God, Our Lord “emptied himself, taking the form of a slave.”[3]Philippians 2:7 Jesus put it this way:
My food is to do the will of the One who sent Me and to finish His work… a son cannot do anything on his own, but only what he sees his father doing; for what he does, his son will do also. (John 4:34, John 5:19)
The heart of Paul’s contentment (and certainly that of Jesus) was a Holy Abandonment that, I believe, can be reduced to two essential components: living in the Truth of who I am, and who I am not.
I. Who I Am
Psalm 139 says,
You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you, because I am wonderfully made… (Psalms 139:13-14)
More than that, you are made in God’s image.
Now, most of us accept the first part of this, that God created us… but we reject the idea that we are wonderfully made, let alone reflect the image of God. For all we see (and Satan makes sure of it; cf. Rev 12:10) our faults, shortcomings, weaknesses, and limitations. And in this world of social media, in which we are bombarded with reels of talented people who can do everything we can, but way better, we can start to feel insignificant, irrelevant… useless.
One day, wrestling against such sentiments, I sensed the Father saying to me:
The way I have created you, knit you in the womb, is My design. You are made for a purpose and plan of which each of your gifts and talents have been measured and weighed. So, too, your weaknesses and limitations. Accept these as much as you accept the gifts. Can you not see that both serve a purpose? The one, to empower and send you; the other to humble and regulate you so that your gifts do not ruin you.
To live in the truth of who I am is to accept not only the limitations of my talents, but my lack of virtue. It is acknowledging that I am impatient, anxious, controlling, impulsive, fearful, etc. — whatever it may be, and coming to a place of honesty that I cannot change myself, as hard as I’ve tried. As my spiritual director once said to me, “It’s recognizing that you are stuck and that it’s not your job, but the Savior’s to save you.” Well, that’s the message of Matthew’s Gospel:
…the people who sit in darkness [ie. who are “stuck”] have seen a great light, on those dwelling in a land overshadowed by death, light has arisen. (Matthew 4:16)
Jesus has come, He has come to save us! That’s literally what His name means, as the angel instructed Joseph:
You are to name him Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins. (Matthew 1:21)
He has come to lead us through the valley of darkness that we are “stuck” in. It could be a temper you’ve dealt with for decades; it could be an addiction; it could be helplessness in a myriad of circumstances.
The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack… He guides me along right paths… Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and your staff comfort me. (Psalm 23:1-4)
The problem is not that God has disappeared from your life, ignores you, or that He is not present in your circumstances. Rather, it’s that I have not accepted my limitations, my faults, and my need. I have left no room for Him to act. So writes Thérèse:
As soon as God sees us convinced of our own nothingness — He stretches out His hand to us; but if we wish to attempt great things, even under the pretext of zeal, He leaves us alone. It is sufficient therefore to humble oneself and to bear our imperfections meekly: that is true sanctity. (Letter 243)
Humility is not putting yourself down. It is not calling yourself names. It is not burying your talents in the ground and hiding in a corner. You are the salt of the earth… You are the light of the world — Jesus declares this to every single one of us.[4]cf. Matt 5:13-14
Thus, authentic humility is living right in the center of who you truly are, limitations and all. What freedom the humble soul enjoys because they can begin to live according to who they are, not the image in which they, or others, would rather have them created!
II. Who I Am Not
The second essential aspect of living in Holy Abandonment, the kind of contentment that Paul and Thérèse enjoyed, is acknowledging who I am not.
After my sister passed away in a car accident when I was 19, I subconsciously began to mistrust God. Everything suddenly seemed random to me… one Christian family would be blessed with miracles, another struck with tragedy; one soul would be healed of cancer, another consumed by it. My Faith taught me that I needed sanctifying grace, given in Baptism, in order to enter Heaven. So, I continued to go to Mass and confession and even to pray and serve the Lord. Oh, I trusted in His love and mercy to save me, to save others… but I no longer trusted Him on the matters that I could control, or rather, thought I could control — career moves, financial decisions, and a host of other choices. I would, of course, ask God to guide me… but ultimately I silenced the “still small voice” of the Holy Spirit in order to “secure” my passage through the valleys of life.
So, when suffering or misfortunes came, I panicked. I was no longer in control! I fretted that God was against me, abandoning me… acting randomly, once again. Living under the illusion that I was in control, I became increasingly insecure, my identity and sense of worth hinging upon things “going right.” But no one is master of his life, not even the wealthiest. Disease, tragedy, and death will find everyone. Without accepting this basic story of salvation history, there really is nothing left to do but despair.
But the Father, in His graciousness, once again answered my query on why He seemed so random:
I am love — all love. Do not doubt My goodness and care. As it says in Psalm 139, I completely surround you, My hand resting upon you:
“LORD, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. You sift through my travels and my rest; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, LORD, you know it all. Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me… Where can I go from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee?” (Psalm 139:1-5, 7)
Nothing is random! All proceeds from My Divine Will. If it did not, then would not these [so-called] “random events” be more powerful than Me, since they would be beyond My control? And even if I set “random events” in motion, would I be powerless to alter, mitigate, or thwart them?
So you see, all flows from My Divine Will; all is foreseen:
“Your eyes saw me unformed; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be” (Psalm 139:16)
So resist this temptation that says some things are not considered by Me, or that I strike one and not the other without good purpose. [5]cf. Heb 12:5-12 I repeat: I AM love, ALL love.
This is why the Saints tell us that Holy Abandonment consists in accepting both the signatory will of God (that which is obvious through the duty of the moment or His Commandments, Church teaching, etc.) and the will of His good pleasure (those unforeseen things that come along, whether they are consolations or desolations, blessings or hardships). The blessings we’ll take — the hardships though? This is where faith is essential: trust that whatever God is allowing in my life has a greater purpose for my good and even the good of others.
It is confidence and nothing but confidence that must lead us to Love. — Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face, Letter 197 to Sister Marie of the Sacred Heart (17 September 1896); Letters II, p. 1000; cf. vatican.va
Confidence that the will of God is my food; that “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). It is from this deep confidence that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit love me and have got my back, no matter what happens, good or bad, that allows me to endure affliction with peace and even joy. And this contentment in the Divine Will as it comes to me refines my character, which in turn, reveals to me more and more the true image of God in which I am created.
And that, in turn, gives me an indomitable hope.
You will know the truth,
and the truth will set you free.
(John 8:32)
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